As soon as you have a baby everyone wants to know when the next one is. Everyone has opinions about how long you should wait and when it should be. Now Zac is 18 months old we have been getting these questions a lot.
It’s not like we haven’t thought about it or spoke about it, actually we have spoke about it a lot. The problem is every couple of month (or weeks) we change our mind!
There is almost 10 years between me and my sister and there is 6 years between Ricky and his brother. We have both always said we wouldn’t want a big age gap like this for our children.
I think when you have a big age gap it can take a while for those siblings to be close. They are often at completely different stages of their lives. When my sister was born I was getting ready for secondary school. When she was starting secondary school I was buying my first house.
Now i’m not saying that siblings with big age gaps aren’t close or won’t ever be really close, but I think it is a different closeness and can often take quite some time (till both siblings are adults really).
When I was pregnant we always said we would like a 2 year age gap – It seemed like the perfect age difference. We even considered trying before he was 2 so the new baby would be born just after he was 2. But the time for that has already passed!
You quickly realise once they start talking, running, climbing, tantruming … It may not be so easy to add a newborn baby to this mix.
I have always planned my life, I like to have goals and know where I want to be and what I want to be doing in the next year or 2 years (or 5!). So I am constantly thinking about when we will try for the next baby – but honestly I just don’t know!
So I thought I would get some opinions of some people that have been there and done it!
“For me it’s three years. I had three between with first and second and was much easier. I felt my eldest had time with me before her sister born. I’d recovered!! She was potty trained and understood. I had a two year 4 months gap between second and third and felt it! More tantrums, still doing potty training, more needy, rougher with the baby. My elder two are close too so I don’t think you need a small gap to get that”
“My son was due my daughter’s second birthday. I like their age gap as they have similar interests and get on really well. At the same time they are now 15 and 13 and we are planning on having another baby soon! They are old enough to take care of themselves in general so a newborn with teen siblings/a very large age gap will be beneficial too.”
“I have 2 boys 3 years apart. I thought a bigger age gap would have made it easier….it doesn’t!
if I could go back I’d do it one after the other with minimal age gap. Get all the restless nights over and done with at once.
We cracked the eldest’s bed routine. Got comfortable then had another 1 making it harder.
The plus side is the youngest has an older brother to look put for him and help him…..when they aren’t fighting.”
“I’ve got a 13 month age gap between my two boys – while I was pregnant with my youngest and for about a year after he was born it was hard work, but now they are school it’s so much easier, it’s much easier to go on days out as they’re into the same stuff, as soon as the eldest has grown out of clothes they go straight to the youngest – a lot of people when I announced I was pregnant with my youngest said I was mad to have another so soon – and yes it was hard to start with, but they are best buddies now, and they look out for each other, wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I have the following age gaps
6 years
21 months
2.5 years
I have to say the easiest was 21 months. I was still in baby mode, my eldest wasn’t old enough to experience sibling jealously and because their needs aligned, I didn’t feel one was left out.”
So I guess the answer is – there is no perfect age gap! As much as I like to plan things, even if we decide when we want to try it doesn’t mean it will happen straight away – or you could have twins. I guess not everything in life can be planned!
At the moment I am thinking a 3 year age gaps seems ideal – but we will see!
Thanks for reading!
I think the 5 years between my girls works well. My eldest was just starting full time school when my youngest was born. They get on well now, well as well as a tween and teenager do. hehehe
Currently have 15 months between my first two. The gap between my 2nd and 3rd will be larger to allow my first born to gain more indolence because I can’t go out alone with a triple stroller!